what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
