4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
