Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
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As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
