I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How many fucks given?
0.12846
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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