what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize