OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
