Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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