sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
