You smell like stripper and shame
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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