You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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