friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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