Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
