I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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