I wish I could punch you in the face.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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