and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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