I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i now understand why vodka
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
