Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
