....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
