yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
