I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
