Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
