weddingsv make me drug and hornr
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just pee around me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
