Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
