I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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