im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just had sex bonerless
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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