i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
