Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
