I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
