he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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