she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
