I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
