i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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