nut hugger
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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