chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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