I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Your penis caused this!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
