i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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