So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
