Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
