Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
