24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
