Define "chronic" masturbator.
You can't special order awesome
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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