I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
