I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
PANTIES FOUND
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