And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she peed on how many people?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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