Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize