i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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