dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
