my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize