i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
