She is in my trunk
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
