I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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