You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
