he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
