So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
