FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I had to cum in my sink.
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