Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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