I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
