So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
