Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
