yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize