She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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