So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
