I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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