My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
