my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
