I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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