even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
