I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think my moral compass just broke
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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