My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
