i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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