I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
