dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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