Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
