Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
