508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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