You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
