he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
