pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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