i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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