Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
