I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
