Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize