i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
