Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
