At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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