The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
