she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
