I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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