I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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