Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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