Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My vagina just clenched in fear
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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