i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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