Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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