Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
