i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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