I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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