Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
