I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
