I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
