Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I puked a lego.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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