I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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