the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
