My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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