OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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