For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
